Miscelaneous Content (MC theme again!)

So I've had several things on my mind lately. I wasn't sure which one to write about first, and while it would probably be really cool to wait and elaborate separately about each,I just don't have that kind of patience

Topic 1: Follow Up on Predestination post:

So after spending a great deal of time in prayer and after a short conversation with one Calvinist who I've known for a very long time, a somewhat longer conversation with another Calvinist whom I've known for a very short time and after several arguments and long conversations with "free will" thinkers, I have decided I agree with Calvinism. This took a lot of soul-searching and God-searching, and I'm still not 100% convinced. Call it my raising, call it Divine intervention telling me that Calvinism is a screwed up idea. Call me a hypocrite. Call me a Pharisee. Call me a fool. Call me a dumb Calvinist. But the more I think and pray and read, the more I find myself leaning in that direction. Thanks to everyone who talked to me about this, because regardless of whether you think you made an impact or not, you did. Some of you put up some very good arguments as to why Calvinism both could and couldn't work.

For me, one friend said that her reasoning is because her heart told her that it couldn't possibly be the case for God to sentence certain people to eternal suffering while he picked and chose those of us He wants to go to Heaven. While I completely respect that, and my intention is not to draw out a can of worms here, but if I were to listen to what my heart is telling me on one matter, I would have to listen to my heart according to several other matters. Right now, my mind is telling me that my heart is a wicked liar, and that there is no vessel more wicked within me than my heart, fragile though it may be. My mind tells me that Calvinism is correct, and while my heart wants to argue with that, I must remember, my heart is also telling me to let go of all inhibitions and give it to some boy I've known all of two months at best. My heart is telling me to quit school and go back home where I "belong". My heart is telling me to go ahead and dwell on my feelings rather than studiously seek out Truth. If my heart is right on this one, good for it. I'm glad, but it's so wrong in these other areas. Common sense tells me that it's probably wrong about this too.

Topic 2: Mobility Cane! (Another MC for you!)

So over the past few weeks I have struggled a great deal with being more open with my eyesight. Even after my epiphany at the end of convocation, someting inside of me has been holding back, not wanting to let people know, even though they really need to know about my sight impairment. I have always been used to people treating me differently as soon as they found out I am visually impaired. Even if they don't intend to, sometimes it still seems like they take pity upon me... and while that bothers me some, I'm getting over it. I'm letting God deal with my feelings there.

However, I've taken a HUGE step towards being unashamed of my handicap while still being independent of it. While Sara and I were walking to the local Mexican restaurant to get some dinner several nights ago, she grabbed her umbrella on the way out the door in case it should rain. It didn't rain, but the umbrella still was extremely useful in that I was able to use it as a mobility cane. While I couldn't use the white cane law and just randomly jump out into traffic, legally, it was still extremely useful for wandering around in the dark. After spending some time discussing it with Sara, I finally texted my dad, asking him about getting a REAL mobility cane. As useful as the umbrella wa, I knew that a cane was much lighter weight, much more wieldy, it didn't drag the ground as badly, and I also knew I needed a little O&M trainign before I actually used a cane without assistance.

When I went home for fall break, I got said O&M training. My dad also gave me a cane that he had been using, explaining that it would be easy enough for him to get another one, and he had some extras lying around the house in case there was an emergency and he needed it.

So last night, I got brave, and I tried out this new toy of mine.

This was quite possibly the most exciting thing I've ever done! For the first time in my life, I was able to walk in an unfamiliar place alone at night without having to stop and ask for assistance or call someone to come pick me up. I walked around the entirety of Lee University's campus almost without any difficulty. In fact, with cane in hand, I was more confident wandering the campus at night when I couldn't see than when I could see in broad daylight. I think this is because, since I do practically everything tactilely rather than visually anyway, for me to literally be able to understand what the campus "feels" like, meant I was able to get a stronger geographical feel for where I was. Using that with what little eyesight I did have, I'm sure I looked as confident as a sighted person to the untrained eye. (no pun intended.)

Sadly, it was, however, just as my dad had said. As liberating an experience as it was for me to be able to walk unassisted at night where I was unable to see and in an unfamiliar area to top it all off, there were still downsides. My orientation was perfectly fine. I was confident about my geographical location. Unfortunately though, I think it did have an effect on passersby. Most just either ignored me or watched me curiously, which didn't bother me at all. What did bother me was, occasionally I would pass someone who would simply stop and stare at me. It wasn't at all like the curious people who wondered what it was I was doing or the fascinated onlookers who had never seen anyone use a cane before. I only clearly remember encountering it twice, but both times it burned into my memory. There were people who stared judgmentally at me. It was almost as if to say "What is she doing on our campus?" or "Does she really need that cane, or is she just trying to draw attention to herself?" It burned to my very core whenever I felt it, and I hope this passes quickly. I also ran into an acquaintance of mine as I was walking. It was extremely awkward at first, because I had no clue who he was, and while my orientation was pretty good considering I did have my cane, I clearly had no idea who he was, and I wasn't totally sure where i was either. I felt embarrassed to be seen with my cane, but he passed it off as though it were no big deal. It's people like that who remind me that humanity is not all terrible. Thank you. You know who you are.

Topic 3: NaNoWriMo

So many of you who knew me (and who didn't know me) this time last year are aware that I participated in a little project called NaNoWriMo. I'm such a writer, and today I started working again on what I like to call "novel number two." So I think I will actually start my NaNo project a little earlier this year. As much as I would love to limit myself to one month, I am pretty sure that what with finals coming up, the stress of Thanksgiving, being a music major and so much more that I am not going to have time to write fifty thousand words for something theoretically unnecessary within a month. "Why don't you just limit yourself to twenty five thousand words then?" It's true that 25k would be a much more reachable, realistic goal considering my work load, and honestly, that was what I was originally planning, but I'm thinking that if I start right now I may be able to get as much as forty thousand words by the end of November. When I write, I do write about 2000 words a day, and I try to double my efforts on weekends. But as I said, what with Thanksgiving, school, exams, etc. I may not necessarily have time to write every day.

So I begin. At the end of every entry up until the end of November, I will post under my name, my NaNo word count for you all to keep up. If you comment and show enough interest in this novel of mine, I may even let you read it as soon as it's finished! So be good. Till then, peace!

Cecelia

Current NaNo progress: 2,449/40,000