I was pretty heartbroken about this, and probably all of you who read this blog know allll about it.
Today I saw him. He walked up to me and gave me a big hug, and held my hand and asked me how my jury (basically my vocal final exam) went. And we sat and talked for about fifteen minutes. And I was the one who walked away. Of course with a "Let me know if you wanna hang out before I leave, since I'm leaving Saturday."
So I've been in a good mood today. I went to a dance party this evening, and I was singing various songs as I walked back to and sat outside my apartment. I started singing "Freeze" by Melee, and one particular line struck me:
"We'll both be standing here when love goes out of fashion." When I first heard the line, I thought it meant they would still be in love, even when love failed to be cool anymore or whatever. And since love never goes out of fashion, that meant....obviously a long time. And that probably was what the singer meant.
But to me, it meant something else. Even after the thrill of the romance has faded. Even after the sweet fruits have grown cold and stale, and the difficult part of the relationship sets in, we would still hold strong through it. We wouldn't care that the infatuated, lustful thrill was over. We would have a friendship that went well beyond that. That would define our ability to stay together, no matter what.
That's how I've felt about my man lately. He didn't want anything to do with me. His love had grown stale and his heart cold. There was no reason for him to keep "standing there", because the appeal had faded. But I stood there, strong and patient, and when he came back around, only by God's will, did he see me still standing there and realize there was more to it than a worn out, ugly romance that never truly existed. There was a friendship that looked beyond those trends that would fade. And he wiped some of the rust and varnish away from this love whose luster I thought was gone to me forever.
Not to say that I'm going to allow myself to believe in this relationship again yet, but at least I know, not only does he not hate me, but he still cares about me.
That's enough.
Amore Vincit Omnia
Cissy.
