Mountain Climbing Part II.

So the trip to the mountains was spectacular. The moon was so bright you could easily depict your shadow, and it made it difficult (for me anyway) to see the stars, but the sky up there was so clear. Which is so metaphorical for exactly what was going on in my head. My heart and mind were so clear. The roomies and I sat up there on our own for a while, and then my suite mate's good friend came up the mountain. The night air and the moonlight, and having his head above the fog (which was beautiful on the ground like a snowbank broken up by rivers and forests and peaks.) altered him. He became so spiritual and open about God and his faith. We ended up all praying for each other in just a general way, letting the Spirit guide our words, not asking for anything specific, just letting the Spirit work within each of us.

When I was being prayed for, I could sense so many things people were praying for hitting home that I didn't realize were things I needed to work on. Specifically, from the one person who knows me least. One of the many, many things that I can say that he asked for was that I may not hold back in loving, that I may let my heart go and remember how to love with no boundaries upon myself. Normally, this has never been the case, but lately I've been far more guarded with everyone, especially since I came to Lee. Now every time something goes wrong, I can't just run to my dad and hide in my room and forget the world. That fact scares me, so I've been giving less of myself away lately. On that note, I'd just like to scream something:

IT'S SO HARD TO LOVE!!!!!

So all this time I've been pondering how to let go of my inhibitions, though I've commended my heart to God. I continue to pray about it and think about it. As we were coming down the mountain, I had an epiphany. As we drove, I was watching the clouds below us, then as we continued down, I could see them on level and almost halfway above us. At one point, the fog was not so much on the road as it was beside us, and it was like a beautiful cloud next to us, and it reminded me of Both Sides Now by Hayley Westenra. As my mind worked around this, I realized something: I was used to seeing clouds above me. Similarly, I've always seen the negative side of romantic love. Just as I had seen both sides of clouds now, (from up and down) all in one night, and a side to the clouds I'd never seen, I was encouraged that maybe... just maybe, I might begin to see the more positive side of love, and really have some understanding of what romantic love is.

Some of you who know me may be worrying that I'm thinking of the things I've been pondering over attempting over the past week, but honestly,as much as I still am curious about that person and like him (yes. I'm admitting it. I do like what I know of him.) ...I don't want to say I feel led in an entirely different direction, but I'm feeling like instead of trying to set a time for me to act, that God will work it out. If the opportunity presents itself (and by presents itself, I mean so blatantly obvious that all I have to do is take one step to go through the door, whether I be initiating it or him.) that I will follow through, but till then, I believe Brooke was right. I should give myself the opportunity to be pursued rather than doing all the work myself. I'm so used to being the guy in a relationship, doing all the initiating and moving things along (by moving, I just mean as opposed to standing still. I don't mean rushing.) So I feel far more at peace than I have.

So the mountains. Something tells me many more secrets will be unraveled there.

Cissy. ♥