Predestination?

So I've been thinking a lot lately. I pray for more wisdom in God's word every day, and as I sleep, I sometimes just listen to my audio Bible because I know that sometimes God's word will get directly into my heart if I listen to it constantly. Well, a few weeks ago I was laying in bed awake, listening to my Bible. It's most unfortunate that I wasn't awake to listen to what book or chapter I was listening to, but I remember hearing something along the lines of (forgive my paraphrasing): For some God has created for righteousness, and others He has created for destruction.

I can't remember if it was Old or New Testament. I can't remember what book or chapter, and the reader doesn't say the verses. But I remember hearing it clearly. Only my own witness can prove this true, and men's hearts are wicked things and the tongue is a liar, so if you don't believe me or choose to disagree with me, don't let me condemn you. You choose to read what I write. I choose to write it.

But let me point out one thing: If anyone has ever been more opposed to the idea of predestination, let it have been me. Like Paul who persecuted and executed Christians, I don't think there could have been anyone who thought Calvinism was the most closed-minded, stupidest most pointless thing a "Christian" could believe. Even now, I struggle with trying to swallow such a difficult pill. If not for what I feel is the pure witness of God within my heart and the impossible coincidence that is me continuing to find references to predestination in both the old AND New Testaments, I would have ignored that encounter and thought of it as something intended differently than what a modern day Christian would look at.

Another reason this scripture speaks so loudly to me is that my church has gone through a great deal of struggle over the past few years. We have had legal issues with a "preacher" trying to literally steal our church from us. He nearly succeeded too, if not by the grace of God. That's a story for another time, however. This man had us all convinced that he was our brother in Christ. He preached for us, and he witnessed. He guided us Spiritually, and we really believed he was a righteous man. "Well what's so bad about him getting your church then?" He didn't want our church to lead it in the right direction. He wanted our church so he could sell it and keep the profit all for himself. After this man took us to court for our church, we found out he was a criminal. We knew he'd had some driving issues, a little "road rage" and had gotten a great number of tickets. We even knew he had been in jail, but we thought it was for a traffic violation of some sort. Come to find out, he was in jail for robbery. His father owned a Christian radio station, and he and his father had gone through a similar situation that our church was going through. Answer me this: Who would sue their own father? If anyone on this earth was "created for destruction" it was this man and his wife.

Romans 8:29-30 says: "For those God foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the likeness of his Son, that he might be the firstborn among many brothers. And those he predestined, he also called; those he called, he also justified; those he justified, he also glorified." (NIV)

I have checked over 15 translations of this verse on BibleGateway.com and over half of them use the word "predestine" or "predestinate". Other words commonly used are "fore-ordained", and "chose". It's times like this that I wish I could go directly to the original text and translate it myself.

The very first time I questioned the legitimacy of predestination was, ironically enough, in the middle of a Greek mythology class. Our teacher asked us, "I want you to answer these questions on a piece of paper. It's for you and you alone. Don't tell me the answers:

"1. Do you believe that there is one True God?

"2. If you believe there is a True God, do you believe that He is all powerful?

"3. Do you believe that He is willing to change His mind and accept someone into 'salvation' as they call it?

"4. If you do believe He can change His mind, does that mean that you believe you can change His mind? If so, does that mean that you are powerful enough to change God's mind? If so, doesn't that make us more powerful than God?"

Ever since then I've kind of struggled a little with predestination, but never so strongly as I am now, that I am literally suffering to know the answer.

I'm not sure what the purpose of this entry is. Perhaps it's a chance for me to seek out my own faith and belief. Perhaps it's my way of confirming what I'm trying to think I believe. Perhaps I'm strengthening my own faith. Perhaps I'm "getting it out of my system" so that it no longer haunts me. I don't know. All of those things sound plausible, knowing me.

Cecelia