A Little Pain

Much is on my mind right now, but words cannot quite express.

I started a composition about a year ago. Sensei was that inspiration, and I finished it on the 18th. A week ago today. Yesterday, I gave him said composition with a very long note explaining, to the best of my ability while still being delicate concerning the subject, everything. My feelings are very clear now.... When he reads my note, I feel as though I'll not be seeing him again. Even if he's understanding about my feelings, I don't know if I'll ever be able to look him in the eye...and honestly, I hate being pitied.

But from what I've been told, it's a beautiful composition. (I kept a copy for myself of course, but I feel as though Sensei was its rightful owner due to his great deal of inspiration, both emotionally and theoretically/academically. Regardless, I actually made one friend of mine cry when I played it for her, and ever since, I've ben at this place emotionally that is very...honest. It's slightly painful, and I'm a little sad...but not as distraught as I typically am when I get downright depressed. I'm a little...drawing back into myself... picking back up the fragments of solitude I tend to hold close to my heart when I am in pain. But I'm not in the dark rut I was in over break.

Honestly, I'm glad Sensei knows everything now. I hate that I might not see him again, but I'd rather a person know what is going on in my head, even if it's difficult to say.

Cissy